Well, it has happened again. The partner is leaving. I’m alone. It’s not being particularly easy, if fact the last 2 days have been spectacularly horrible. Random crying jags. Zombie like motions. Pitiful begging. This sucks.

Maybe I’ll go knit something. Does knitting cure heartbreak? Wailing at the gods isn’t working. Maybe some nice merino will take the edge off.

The partner is cleaning the house around my moping, pathetic self. I’m wandering about trying to remember how to live alone again.

Part of me is feeling an odd sense of relief. Weird? I tried so hard to get him to love me, and all I ever got to was like a whole lot. I deluded myself into a forever place, now I don’t know. Perhaps I’m meant to be alone? All I can say is 30 is not going to be the happy birthday I was wishing for. I was hoping for an end to the evil birthday curse that has trotted around after me for the 20’s. It’s a bit early this year, but who knows? There can always be more.

Yes, I know it’s been 4 months. No, I don’t want to talk about it.

This is a big thing in Buffalo.  Huge even.  The corned beef has been flying out of Weggie’s and the beer is freely flowing.  Parade is tomorrow and a Keg’s and Eggs party at a few friends houses. Should prove to be interesting.

I had my annual review at work this week and it was bad.  My boss and I have never had a very great relationship and it appears to have gotten much worse over the last year.  Now that I have had a chance to calm down, I have to admit he is right on a lot of things and I shouldn’t be angry about the things he was wrong about.

I do need to become more organized.  I have let a lot of things slide in the last year or so and this one is HUGE.  It is a fact that I function better with routines.  I need a sort of ritual to keep me in place.  I need to start with some sort of daily schedule and try it out, tweaking it in places were it rubs the wrong way.  I think I will start from home tomorrow on my day off.  Spring is coming and it feels like I should take a step towards rebirth.

This does not mean that I’ll be frittering my time away in the yarn room organizing cleaning playing.

Maybe the luck of the Irish will wear off on me!

I was looking through my copies of interweave knits and found this issue.

Don’t know why it was never looked through, but there are some awesome patterns in here for yarn i’ve had mouldering in my stash. This is the copy with Brenda Dayne’s essay on the muses. 5 years later, I’m inspired.

48 degrees today.  The snow is gone and I’m twitching.  The pneumonia is lingering, I can work but I am exhausted in a matter of hours.  So off to the office I go.

Facebook is freaking me out.  There, I said it.  I don’t know about you, but I never felt well known or liked in High School.  Now people keep popping up and “friend-ing” me.   I always accept because I don’t want to be snobbish or aloof, but another part says who are these people and where have they been for the last x years.  Whatever.  I’m grumpy today.

Been yucky for over a week, didn’t sleep last night because I couldn’t breath, Dr’s office tomorrow.

Hey folks!  Wow, I haven’t been here in a while…so long, in fact, I forgot my password.  Yikes!  Lots of neato stuff has been going on, but I completely forgot to blog.  Well, that and I haven’t got a camera at the moment.  My Cannon Elph, circa 2003 is having battery issues.  A replacement battery for this dinosaur of a camera (2 mega pixels!) is about $50.  A new camera is around $150.  The point is moot anyway because I don’t have a spare $50 these days.  So You, my dear reader, will have to deal with pictureless posts for sideways pictures from the iPhone.

Superbowl Sunday.  An excuse to pig out and lay on the couch in a stupor.  Mr. Bunny and I are staying home tonight.  We have cooked up a feast, you would think there were people coming over.  Sloppy Joe Sliders courtsey of Martha, Potato Skins from Simply Recipes and Cream Cheese Taco Dip from my wee little brain. Yummy.

Haven’t gotten around to joing the gym yet, but to have my 22 weeks to train for the Musselman I need to start training next Monday.  I told my family about my goal of the Sprint Tri before my 30th birthday and they laughed.  I’ll do it, if for nothing else than the satisfaction of telling Mumsey dear she had better stop crushing my dreams.

Mr. Bunny arrived last night with the Musicman bearing gifts.  A treadmill, a NordicTrack, a heavy bag, and a weight bench.  Wonderful!  This morning I got up and did a half hour on the treadmill while watching the morning news.  Triathalon training will be starting next week.  I have a 22 week plan, and although my family has poo poo’ed the idea I’m determined to get this done.  I do need to remember to get the gym membership thing done Monday.

The house is getting a bit of a reorg.  My deconstruction crew will be here in a few weeks to cut down walls and put some more up.  Fun.

New Year’s day has been a quiet one around here.  I’m grateful for that.  We had a peaceful night in, slept in this morning, watched the Rose Bowl Parade, shopped for groceries, napped, cooked, lazed about.

Tomorrow I will have my upper attachments removed from my Invisalign’s and will only be working on straightening my lower teeth.  I also need to go on a massive cleaning spree as I was too busy to get to it before now.  The house is a wreck.

Well, we’re here. The light is returning. Having just started the crawl out of my own darkness, this one is a solstice to celebrate. I’ll be lighting a candle tonight and celebrating.